Wings Of An Angel
by alphaangel
Summary: A tragic event rocks the CSI team. How will they cope while their world falls down around them? Please R and R. The final chapter is now done. Thanks for all the support.
1. The Day The World Ended

This is set towards the end of season 7, there shouldn't be any major spoilers but if you haven't seen seasons one to eight, you really should, they're amazing! But then you all know that so I'm going to stop rambling and just get on with it. Please review.

Oh an I don't own CSI. If I did I'd make them wear crime scene suits all the time. I have to suffer wearing them, so should they!

Apologies for being so cruel in advance.

**Wings Of An Angel.**

**Chapter 1 – The Day The World Ended**

"Where's Sara?" Grissom asked walking into the break room.

"Haven't seen her." Catherine replied not looking up from the magazine she was reading.

"Well she's late then."

"That's not like her." Catherine said finally looking up. "I'll ring her." She took out her cell phone and hit a number on speed dial. She listened for a while and then dialled a second number. "No answer from her cell or her home phone." She announced frowning. "Maybe she's driving, didn't want to pick up."

"You're probably right." He sat down and handed out the assignments for the night. She still hadn't arrived by the time he had finished. "I'm going to stop by her apartment on my way out." He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, Sara was never late and even if she was stuck in traffic she would have called in.

He fished his keys out of his pocket and hurried out into the car park. He drove easily through the evening traffic, that definitely wasn't the reason she was late, and pulled up in front of her apartment within fifteen minutes of leaving the lab.

He jumped out of the car and hurried up the stairs until he came to her front door. He knocked several times but heard only silence from inside. If she was there she definitely wasn't answering.

"Sara?" He called urgently through the door. He took his phone from his pocket and hit the first number on his speed dial. He could hear a familiar ring from inside. She had to be in there, she wouldn't have left without taking her cell phone with her.

He found the key that Sara had given him many months before and unlocked the door. He looked around the living room and nothing seemed to have been moved, nothing touched. "Sara?" He called again as he checked the kitchen and then finally paused with his hand on the handle of her bedroom door.

He opened it slowly and froze with the sight of what he saw there.

She was lying on the bed, dressed for work. Her body was still and although she was clearly dead Grissom couldn't help but step forwards and gently place two fingers against her neck, desperately hoping to feel a pulse beating beneath his fingers. Her skin was cold to the touch and he knew that she had been dead for some time.

Without really thinking about what he was doing, he took his phone and dialled another number.

"Brass?" Came the familiar reply.

"Jim, I need you to come to Sara's apartment now." He stated shortly.

"Griss, what's wrong? Is Sara ok?" Brass replied anxiously.

"No." He said and hung up the phone. He dropped it onto the bed and gently sat down beside her. All thoughts to preserving the scene had gone out the window. This wasn't just another case, this was Sara, his Sara, and she was dead, someone had taken her away from him. And suddenly nothing else mattered.

He sat beside her gently stroking her hair away from her eyes while he waited for Brass to arrive.

He heard Jim come in through the door which, in his haste to find Sara, Grissom had left unlocked.

"Gil?" Jim had called as he walked though the apartment until finding him sat on Sara's bed. Jim took one look at Sara's lifeless body and gasped with sheer shock.

"What happened?" He asked, he couldn't stop staring at her.

"She didn't turn up for work this evening. I came by to check she was ok and ..." He trailed unable to say it.

Jim took out his phone and called in. "I need assistance to 1425 Evergreen Court. I've got a dead body." His voice shook as he said the last words. He knew that all the CSI's would hear and recognise the address immediately but he knew that they needed to play this by the book if they wanted to get Sara justice.

Within minutes police officers were arriving at the scene. He stopped anyone coming into the scene, not wanting them trampling over evidence. The CSI's then turned up seemingly together wanting to know what was going on, none considering the awful truth, that their friend was the dead body.

"Jim what's going on? Is Sara ok?" Catherine asked as she walked down the corridor in front of the group.

He simply shook his head, his face was answer enough.

"What happened?" Nick demanded, his face white with shock. The group had stopped, trying to digest what they had heard.

"It looks like she's been strangled. Grissom found here."

"Where is he?"

"He won't leave her. Coroner's on his way."

Catherine pushed past Brass and found her way through the apartment. She found the bedroom door open and stepped hesitantly through.

Her attention was immediately drawn to the deep red marks around her throat and the hand shaped bruising across her mouth. Sara was lying on her back, one arm had fallen off the side of the bed and was dangling inches from the floor. He head was tilted slightly to the side facing the door, her eyes were open staring lifelessly at Catherine.

"Gil?" She muttered quietly. "Will you come with me?"

"No." He replied. "I can't leave her alone."

"The coroner will be here soon."

"I can't leave her alone." He repeated. "I should have been here for her."

Catherine hovered beside him until she heard the coroner arrive. She left Grissom momentarily to go out and meet him.

"Catherine." David said as he walked through the front door. "Is it true? Is Sara really dead?"

Catherine nodded. "She's through here. Grissom won't leave her." David wasn't surprised grief made people do strange things. He followed Catherine through to the bedroom.

David moved towards Sara's lifeless body. "Cause of death looks like strangulation, she's got defensive wounds to her hands and forearms, looks like there was a struggle. Marking over her mouth suggests that the suspect tried to silence her before killing her." He began sadly before taking out a thermometer.

"Going by the liver temperature, she died about ten hours ago."

Catherine looked at her watch. "We'll she left the lab at ten this morning and it's ten thirty now so that would put time of death at about twelve thirty. About half an hour to get home, that's if she went straight home, she clearly didn't have time to change out of the clothes she was wearing last night."

"I'll take her to the mortuary."

Grissom couldn't take his eyes off of her, he barely even registered what David and Catherine we're saying.

"Griss, perhaps it would be better if you went outside."Catherine said gently.

"No." He replied shaking his head. "I don't want her to be alone."

"David's going to take her to the mortuary."

"No. She shouldn't be there, she'd be cold, she should be with me, I need to look after her, keep her safe."

"Gil, there's nothing you can do for her. Let David take her to the mortuary, then we can process the scene and get her justice."

"This isn't a scene Catherine, this is her home, this isn't just some case, it's Sara."

"I know Gil, but she's dead and the only thing we can do for her is get her justice. Find the bastard who did this and put him away."

Grissom nodded slightly. "Be gentle with her." He muttered to David and looked away as they lifted her into a body bag. He followed them as they carried her out of the room and through the front door.

Nick, Warrick and Greg were stood outside each looking shocked, unable to accept what had happened to their friend.

The stood silently and watched as her body was carried past them. Tear ran down Greg's cheeks and although Warrick and Nick remained dry eyed their hearts were breaking with the unbelievable pain of losing someone so close.

Catherine put her phone in her pocket. "That was Ecklie. He wants us to process the scene, sensitivity never was his strong point, apparently days are understaffed and snowed under, he said he'll get them to relieve us as soon as possible. It needs to be done completely by the book. If anyone doesn't think they can handle it then they can return to the lab."

They all put gloves on and carefully made their way into the scene.

"There's no sign of forced entry, Sara must have let them in." Nick said looking at the door.

"Or they had a key." Catherine added.

"Do we have a TOD?" Greg asked.

"David thinks about twelve thirty."

"She's been dead all day? And no one realised."

Catherine shrugged. "She was, er, still wearing what she had on last night."

"She can't have been home long." Nick said staring at a pair of shoes by the door.

"How do you know that?" Warrick asked.

Nick pointed to the shoes. "Sara never leaves her shoes out, can't stand them being untidy."

"Ok, Greg, Warrick you process in here. Nick and I will do the bedroom. Ok?"

As soon as Catherine stepped through the doorway to Sara's bedroom, she saw a vivid image of her lifeless body in her mind.

"The bedding is untidy, that's not like Sara." They turned the light out and examined the room under UV light.

"Is, was Sara seeing anyone?" Catherine asked tentatively.

"I don't know, why?"

"There's semen on the bedding. I think it's fresh. This could be a sexual assault as well." Catherine said quietly.

Nick shivered involuntarily.

Catherine continued examining the bedding, she moved the pillow and a book fell out. After turning the lights back on she flipped the book open, she immediately recognized Sara's writing and realised that it was a diary. This book contained more information about Sara than Catherine had learnt about her in seven years. She bagged it thinking that it would be useful later.

"Nothing else looks disturbed." Nick muttered from where he was dusting the bedposts for fingerprints. "I've got some fingerprints, probably Sara's but we might get lucky." He lifted the prints.

Catherine ended the call and put her cell phone back in her pocket. "That was David. They've started the autopsy, the Doc thinks that Sara was sexually assaulted." Catherine said to the others.

"Shit." Warrick muttered. Nick put his hand to the wall to steady himself while Greg just stood in silence.

"This is so unreal, it can't be happening." Greg said, his voice shaking.

"Greg," Catherine began gently.

"No, we're stood in Sara's apartment investigating her murder. How can this have happened? This shouldn't have happened. It's wrong."

"It is. And we're going to get the bastard responsible. Let's take the evidence we've collected back to the lab, I think we've got as much as we can at the moment." Catherine said.

"Gil?" Jim repeated for the second time.

Grissom looked up after a few moments.

"The Doc has finished the autopsy." Jim said quietly sitting down next to Grissom.

"I want to see her."

"I'm not sure that's such a good idea."

"I want to see her."

"Ok, just give me a minute."

He returned moments later and allowed Grissom through into the mortuary.

Sara was lying on the table covered only with a thin white sheet. _She must be cold. _Grissom thought as he walked towards her and placed his hand gently on her forehead.

"What happened?" He asked Doc Robbins.

"Cause of death was strangulation, she has ante mortem bruising around her mouth suggesting that the suspect placed their hand over her mouth, possible to keep her quiet. She has bruising around her wrists and also on her thighs. And she was raped."

On hearing those words, Grissom went suddenly very pale. "Gil?" Doc Robbins said noticing his pallor and that he was shaking. Jim stepped forwards and caught Gil whose legs seemed to go from beneath him. He helped Grissom to a chair nearby.

"Did you find any semen?" He asked eventually.

"Yes, I've sent a sample to DNA, there's also a bite mark on her shoulder, I've contacted a forensic odontologist, she's going to come and photograph it."

"I'd like to have some time alone with her." Grissom said unable to take his eyes off Sara's body.

"Ok, we'll just be outside." Jim said and he and Doc Robbins left.

Catherine, Nick, Warrick and Greg returned to the Lab with the evidence that they had collected and went their separate ways to begin analysing it.

Catherine picked up the diary and flipped it open again to a random page.

_June 26__th__, 2005_

_He kissed me for the first time tonight. It was amazing, he walked me up to my apartment like a total gentleman and then as I was stood there not really knowing what to do and just fumbling with my keys, he lent in and kissed me. It felt like time stood still. I wanted to stay there kissing him forever. It was everything I imagined it to be and more. It couldn't have been more perfect, we had a fantastic evening and it ended stood in front of my door in the silver moon light. _

_It was beautiful, I've never felt so alive before. He makes me feel so happy, so normal, like nothing bad has ever happened or could ever happen. He was definitely worth the wait, with him around I feel whole. Gil has made me want to live again._

Catherine gasped. She'd known that there was something between Sara and Grissom for years but she had no idea that they had finally got together. No wonder Sara had been so happy recently. Her mind suddenly jumped to Grissom. He must be broken, he'd loved Sara for so long and had finally allowed her to get close to him, something that he had been so scared to do and now she had been ripped away from him.

She took out her cell phone and dialled Brass's number.

"Brass."

"It's Catherine. Is Gil with you?"

"He's at the Morgue, seeing he wanted some time alone with Sara."

"There's something you need to know, I think Gil and Sara were in a relationship."

"What?"

"You didn't know either then."

"No, I didn't. Shit."

"Jim, look after him."

" I will." He ended the call and turned to look at Doc Robbins.

"That was Catherine, she thinks that Gil and Sara were in a relationship."

"The poor man."

**Ok, first of all, technically Sara's body wouldn't have been taken away from the scene so quickly, photo's would have been taken, sketches made, trace collected etc but I needed to stretch it a bit to the story moving. Second, there is no way they would let them investigate Sara's death, of course they wouldn't but this is fanfic and television does tend to push the truth sometimes. Third, I'm sorry, you must all hate me but I couldn't get the idea out of my head.**

**Please, please, please review. Whether you love it or hate it or your floating somewhere in between please let me know.**


	2. Broken

**Thank you for all the reviews for the last chapter and I'm very sorry for being evil and killing Sara off, it was very mean of me. Hope you like this one. And I own several CSI DVDs but that's it.**

**Chapter 2 - Broken**

Catherine picked up the diary again. A photograph slipped out and fell on the floor, face down. She bent over to pick it up and felt tears come to her eyes. The photo was of Sara and Gil, behind them was the sea. It was obviously a recent picture but Catherine had no idea when they had been near the sea together. They both looked so happy, Gil had his arm protectively around Sara's shoulders, holding her close. They both had smiles on their faces that Catherine had never seen before.

She carefully put the photo back into the diary and turned to another page, earlier in the diary.

_May 15__th__, 2004_

_I can't keep this up much longer, everything seems so hard. I've come to realise that things are never going to get better and maybe it simply isn't worth it. I can't get away from the memories no matter how hard I try. Every day is like navigating a mine field, avoiding the things that will trigger the sick shame filled feeling in my gut, and the uncontrollable urge to cut myself._

_Some days just getting out of bed is so hard. I used to love my job but now I know that I make no difference, for every criminal that we put away there are ten more to take their place. It's a never ending spiral into hopelessness, the same hopelessness that I have felt for so long. I just don't know how long I can keep up this pretence._

Catherine turned to the next page, frowning.

_May 17__th__, 2004_

_I'm finding that I am turning to alcohol more and more often. I drink after almost every shift and sometimes before. I hate myself and I'm scared of what I might become next. _

_May 18__th __, 2004_

_Why can't I just forget about him, he's made it clear that it is never going to happen so why can I not just give him up and move on. I love him so much I just want to be with him._

_May 20__th__, 2004_

_I got pulled over by the police for driving under the influence last night. I am such an idiot. What was I doing, I never drink and drive. They let me off but they had to call Grissom seeing as he's my supervisor._

_He came and took me home, I thought he'd lecture me tell me how stupid I was but all he did was ask me if I was ok._

_He should have fired me, I can't believe how stupid I was. I deserved to be sacked, I could have killed someone._

_I'm a complete mess and I just don't know what to do about it. I don't think this is something that I can sort out myself, I just don't know what to do. I have to go and see a counsellor, I'm dreading it._

"Gil?" Brass said gently. "Catherine just called, she thinks that Sara and you were in a relationship. Is she right?"

Grissom nodded silently, holding tightly to Sara's hand.

"I'm sorry, Gil." He said sincerely. "You realise that I am going to have to ask you some questions and that you cannot be involved in the investigation?"

Grissom nodded.

"Where were you at twelve thirty today?"

"In the lab. I had paper work to do by the end of the month. Sara said that she was tired so she went back to hers instead, normally she stays at mine. I was going to call her but, but it was so late by the time I got away that I didn't want to wake her. So I just went back to mine. I slept while she was lying there... I wasn't there when she needed me. If only I'd left the lab when I was supposed to, she'd have stayed at mine and she'd be fine, everything would be fine now."

"Gil, there is now way that you could have known that this was going to happen. I'm going to have to interview you formally at some point but that can wait."

"Gil, could I have a word in private please." The Doc said.

Brass stepped outside to give Grissom and Doc Robbins some privacy.

"When I was examining Sara I found some scars on her stomach. Some old, some new. Do you know how she got them?"

Gil nodded. "Yes, I do."

"We're they self inflicted?"

"Yes."

"I thought so. I will have to include the scars in my report and have to add that I felt they were the result of self harm, I wanted to warn you. I'm sure that Sara wouldn't want people knowing but it may be important in the investigation."

"I know and Sara would understand too. Can I have some more time with her please?"

"Of course you can, Gil. As much time as you need. I'll be outside." He turned back as he opened the door to see Grissom gently kissing Sara's forehead.

_February 3__rd__, 2005_

_I cannot believe that I told him everything. And he didn't turn on his heel and run._

_When he knocked on my door I thought that was it, that he was going to fire me, and I really didn't care anymore. The job was too hard, too painful. But he didn't fire me, he stood up to Ecklie, _Ecklie, _and wouldn't let him fire me._

_I should have been fired, I should not have spoken to Catherine that way. _

_Grissom just asked me why I was so angry. And I told him everything. Well, not everything, I'll never tell anyone everything, if people knew, they'd never look at me the same. _

_But I told him about my parents, about the screaming and the violence and how my mom ended it all. And he stayed holding my hand for hours. He just stayed there, he didn't say anything, didn't judge me, he just sat beside me and let me cry._

_Suddenly things don't seem so bleak, maybe I do have a future.  
_

"Catherine?" Nick asked opening the door.

"Yeah?" She replied closing the diary.

"I've got the autopsy report." He handed it to her before sitting down in silence as Catherine opened it.

"Have you read it?" She asked.

"No, I thought you'd want to see it first."

"Do you want to get Greg and Warrick, we'll go through it together."

"Ok." He returned a few minutes later with the other two. Brass followed in a few minutes later.

"Where's Gil?

"In the mortuary, he won't leave Sara." He said sitting down.

"I want us to get the bastard who did this to Sara but I also want to maintain Sara's privacy as much as possible, she was very private after all. So I think that anything found out during this investigation stays between us, ok?" Catherine said.

The group nodded.

"I found Sara's diary at the crime scene, I'm reading through it to look for a motive or possible suspect. I have discovered that Sara and Gil we're seeing each other."

"Since when?" Greg asked.

"A couple of years, I think."

"I've spoken to Gil and he's confirmed that. He said that Sara normally stays at his but he had to work on and she went back to hers instead."

"So what've we got so far?" Warrick asked still reeling from the shock of discovering Sara and Grissom had been together.

"The autopsy report confirms the cause of death as being strangulation and the time of death as twelve thirty." Catherine began with the report in her hands. "Sara had bruising on her face suggesting that the suspect had held his hand over her mouth. She also had bruising on her wrists consistent with being held down, and bruising to her thighs. She was raped, the Doc has sent samples to DNA for analysis. She also had a bite mark on her shoulder, he's got an expert coming in to analyse it. It also say that there was evidence of self harm on Sara's body, I think we're going to have to dig into her past, which isn't going to be easy, Sara could do secretive like there was no tomorrow."

"Did you get any evidence from her apartment?" Brass asked.

"We found semen on her bedding which has gone to DNA, some fingerprints, other than that nothing. "

"We searched every inch the living room, kitchen and bathroom. Again we found fingerprints but nothing else. No sign of forced entry. She must have let them in or they ad keys." Warrick added.

"I've got the checked the surveillance cameras outside the apartment block. Sara comes home alone at ten twenty three, she looks happy, she goes to her apartment alone and that's the last you see of her." Brass said.

"She can't have been home long, there is no way Sara would have left her shoes out like that." Nick pointed out again.

"She gets home over two hours before she died though."

"Maybe the suspect turned up at her door as soon as she got home and she invited him in." Greg suggested

"Or he was waiting for her when she got home." Nick added.

"I'll find out how many people had keys to her apartment." Brass said noting it down.

"Would it be worth taking Grissom to the crime scene? He might be able to tell us if something was missing or had been moved." Greg asked.

"That's a good idea, Greg." Catherine said still looking through the autopsy report. "I'm going to continue looking through her diary, see if Sara was worried about anything, or if I can find any motives. Greg, can you chase up the DNA and trace evidence. Warrick and Nick, do you want to go back to the crime scene and search it thoroughly, we need a lead."

They all nodded and left.

"I'd better go and interview Gil. I can't put it off much longer. Then I'll take him back to the crime scene, see if he can tell us something." Brass said looking like he was dreading the interview.

Catherine nodded, and patted him reassuringly on the arm. "How is he?"

He shrugged. "Broken." He replied simply.

"How long have Sara and you been in a relationship?"

"Two years." Grissom replied. He wasn't looking at Brass but instead had a picture of Sara in his hands, which he was gazing at intently.

"But you didn't tell anyone?"

"It's against lab policy, we talked about it a few weeks after we first started seeing each other. She thought that if anyone knew then it would get back to Ecklie, you know what this place is like for gossiping. We knew that one of us would have to switch shifts and we didn't want to split the team up."

"Was Sara worried about anything?"

"No," he replied looking baffled, "she was so happy."

"She wasn't acting strangely at all?"

"No, she said she was tired, that's why she was going to stay at hers. She normally stays at mine but I had to work late and she said she needed a good night sleep."

"So you didn't hear from her at all after she left the lab?"

"No, normally I phone her to let her know that I'm on my way home but I was late leaving and she'd been so tired, I didn't want to wake her. I thought she'd just gone straight to sleep."

"Do you know of anyone who would want to hurt Sara?"

"Thousands, everyone she has put away."

"Anyone specific?"

"No, I don't think so."

"In the autopsy report, it mentions that there was evidence that Sara had been self harming. Did you know that she was doing that?"

Gil nodded. "I tried to get her to stop, she'd been doing it less since we'd been together but she couldn't stop completely."

"Do you know why she did it?"

"She had a tough childhood. It effected everything that she did."

"Can you tell me more about that."

Grissom looked hesitant.

"Gil, I know you want to protect Sara's privacy but we need to find whoever killed her and to do that we need to know everything."

"Her father abused her and her mother. When Sara was twelve she watched her mother stab him to death, she went into foster care, her mother into a secure hospital. She moved about a lot while in Care, she never stayed in one place for longer than a month. She started self harming after going into foster care. She used to go through very pad spells and then she'd be ok for a while. But then something would happen, a case would be a little too close to home or something would remind her, and she'd just drop, everything would go completely out of control, she'd start self harming again, drinking, she wouldn't sleep, wouldn't talk to me."

"I had no idea things were so bad for her."

"No, she was like a swan, calm on the surface but underneath she was paddling like crazy just to stay afloat. It was only after we became close and she trusted me that she told me, she had a hard time talking to people, didn't like them knowing too much, she'd only talk when she felt completely safe."

"I'd like to take you back to her apartment, see if you can see if anything is missing or different. Would you do that?"

Grissom swallowed loudly, the last thing her wanted to do was go back to that place. Her place. The place she died. The place were some bastard took her away from him. She was his world and now she was gone. When they found the bastard, he would kill him. He didn't care what happened to him, without her there was no point in anything. There was no point in life without his beautiful, amazing Sara. "Ok." He said in a small voice.

"Is anyone still processing?" He asked when they arrived at Sara's apartment.

"No, Nick and Warrick have just left." The uniformed officer lifted the crime scene tape to let Brass and Grissom through and into the apartment.

Grissom took a deep breath before stepping through the door, his mind slipped back to the moment hours before, the last time her had walked through her door, and the life ending sight he saw.

Everything looked normal, the only sign that anything had happened was the slight hint of fingerprint powder on the surfaces, and the feeling in his chest like his heart had been ripped out.

Grissom walked slowly around the living room, silently taking in every sight. In his mind he could see Sara sat in the chair telling him everything after Ecklie suspended her. He could see her putting her shoes on before they had gone out one night, laughing at him for trying to hurry her. He then moved into the bedroom. He immediately had the image of her lying dead on the bed, her eyes staring but not seeing. He pushed the image out and settled on another one, from one of the few times that they had stayed together at hers, he had got up in the night to get a glass of water but had stood for hours instead watching her sleep peacefully, curled up on her side.

He picked a book up from her bedside table, that had sat there for many months . A letter fell out from it. The envelope was addressed to Gil Grissom and was in Sara's neat handwriting.

Without looking to Brass for approval, he carefully opened the letter.

_Gil,_

_You know I find it hard telling you how I feel, just like you find it hard telling me how you feel, so I'm going to try your method._

_I love you. I always have. I always will. Without you my life would be pointless, I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for you, I would have given up years ago. You make me complete. With you I can achieve anything._

_You make me happy, happier than I have ever been before. When I look at you I get butterflies in my stomach, when you touch me it feels like my heart will explode._

_No matter how many hours, days, years I spend with you they will never be enough. I want to spend the rest of eternity with you by my side. The more I see of death, the more I know that as long as you are with me I will always be safe. In your arms I feel protected. As I said once before, I feel safe in your arms tonight. _

_I'm not sure if you'll ever see this, I'm just going to leave it somewhere and hope you find it. If you don't find it I will try everyday to say to you that I love you._

_You are the only man I will ever, could ever, love. No one compares to you._

_You are my heart, my mind and my soul. You are the Sun that warms me, and the Earth that supports me. You are my one and only._

_All my love, for all of eternity,_

_Sara xxx_

For the first time in his memory Gil sat down and sobbed.

**Please review. Please? I'm going to find a tissue now...**


	3. It Won't Bring Her Back

**Ok, being English I don't know very much about the American School System, I did research it but it seems to be different depending on the area (v. confusing!) So for the this fic I am taking elementary school to be kindergarten to fifth grade(aged 10-11?), middle school to be sixth grade to eighth grade and high school to be ninth grade to twelfth grade. I don't really know what you learn in each grade so I am going to use what I learnt in the corresponding year at school. I apologise if this is wrong but you school system is really confusing. Please point out any major mistakes that I have made and I will try to correct them.**

**Chapter 3 – It Won't Bring Her Back**

Gil held the letter in shaking hands.

"Gil, what is it?"

"A letter, Sara wrote me a letter."

"Why?"

"To tell me that she loves me."

"I'm going to need to take it as evidence for a while."

Gil looked back down at it. "Look after it." He said finally, handing it over to Jim, his hands still shaking.

Jim placed it carefully in an evidence bag.

"Am I a suspect?" Gil said suddenly

"Of course you're not Gil. And any way, you were at the lab when she died."

Gil opened an small wooden box by the bed. "Her grandmothers ring."

"What?"

"Her grandmothers ring, it's gone. Sara always kept it in here. Her mother gave it to Sara on her twelfth birthday, just before she killed her father."

"It couldn't be anywhere else?"

"No, Sara had a place for everything, she doesn't move things, she'd obsessive about it. It used to drive her mad if I left something in the wrong place. When she was staying at mine, I'd come home and find her tidying my cupboards. He's taken it, the bastard has taken it."

"Would Sara have noticed if it had been taken before?"

"Yes, she used to take it out at night, when she thought I wasn't looking. It reminded her of her mom. She'd have told me if it was missing."

"I'm going to call Catherine and see if someone printed that box."

"Sara was still wearing what she had been wearing at work." Gil said, the thought suddenly flashing through his mind.

"Yeah?"

"The first thing Sara does when she gets in from work is take a shower and get changed, she doesn't even stop to check her messages or eat anything, it's always the first thing she does. She must have just got home."

"Yeah, Nick said the same because her shoes were still by the door."

"I didn't notice her shoes." He paused. "Do you know what time she got home?"

"Ten twenty three."

"Two hours before she died, what was she doing in those two hours?"

"I don't know. Do you know if anyone else had a key to Sara's apartment?"

"Me, her landlord. That's it."

They fell into silence for a few minutes.

"Why wasn't I there for her, Jim? When she needed me, I was working, as always. I was working while someone was...was hurting my Sara, my beautiful, amazing Sara. She was my world, Jim, she was everything to me. And I wasn't there for her. The one time she needed me most, and I wasn't there. I let her down."

"No, you didn't. Sara loved you. You couldn't have been with her every second of the day, and there was no way you could have known that this would happen. You didn't let her down. You were her world, she was happy with you. You did not let her down."

"Yes, I did. Sara normally calls when she gets home, as soon as she comes out of the shower, before she's even got dresses again." A sad smile, flitted quickly over his lips. "I was too wrapped up in my work to notice that she hadn't called. If I had, I could have come and checked on her before it happened."

"Gil, there is nothing you could have done to prevent this. The only person responsible, the only person who should feel guilty is the bastard that did this. And we will catch him and put him away for the rest of his life. And it's not going to bring her back or make you miss her less but it will give her justice."

Silence fell again for several minutes while Gil gently stroked the material of a bathrobe that was hung on the door, committing the feeling to memory.

"We think that Sara either let the suspect in or he was there when she got home." Brass said.

"Sara would only let someone she trusted in, and she had a gun, if her was waiting for her when she got home, she'd have pulled her gun on him."

"Where did she keep her gun?"

Grissom pulled open the top drawer in her bedside table. "It's here. She must have already put it away."

"Run me through exactly what Sara does when she comes home."

"She takes her shoes off, puts here gun away, turns the shower on, goes back into the living room and put's her shoes away, then she get's undressed and has a shower."

"When you came in this evening, was the shower on?"

"No."

Brass went into the bathroom, the shower was dry, it can't have been turned on for hours. "He must have turned up while she was putting her gun away then. I've got officers talking to the neighbours, find out whether they saw or heard anything this morning."

"What was he doing for the two hours before he killed her?"

Brass didn't know how to respond. The ideas he had of what was happening during those two hours was to horrific to comprehend.

"Greg, what can I do for you?" Doc Robbins asked after seeing Greg appear and then disappear four times.

Greg turned back to face the doctor. He opened his mouth and then shut it again. "Nothing." He said turning around again.

"Do you want to see Sara?" The Doc asked gently.

He paused before turning to face the Doc again. "Can I?"

"Of course you can, come on." Greg followed the Doc into the morgue.

"I'm not sure if this is such a good idea." Greg said as soon as he stepped through the door. "I mean, I'm supposed to be working..." He trailed off.

"It's ok, Greg, take your time, you need to say goodbye to her."

"If I say goodbye then that means she's really dead ." Greg whispered.

"Not saying goodbye isn't going to bring her back. Go on, it's ok."

Greg slowly walked forwards towards her body. The Doc pulled back the white sheet covering her body and quietly left the room.

"Hey Sara." He carefully placed his hand on her forehead and stroked her hair away from her face. "I'm sorry we weren't there for you. And I'm sorry that were going to find out stuff about you that you didn't want us to know. We just want to find out who hurt you. We'll find him, I promise. I won't ever forget you, Sara." He gently kissed her forehead, turned and left. He walked back down the corridor with tears pouring silently down his cheeks.

_May 19__th__, 2005_

_After we found Nick tonight, Gil asked me out. On a date. I think he felt a bit awkward at first, he tried to say it so many time before he finally got it out. He was trying to act nonchalant, pretending to be looking at the paper in his hand but I could see him looking at me over his glasses. "Would you like to come out with me, for a drink or..." He finally said. He caught me a bit of guard , I didn't think he would ever ask me, so I just said "ok". And then he said "ok" and smiled down at the paper her was reading._

_It felt like my heart was going to explode. My mind was screaming 'finally'. I couldn't stop smiling at him._

"Catherine" Nick said bursting into the room. "The print from the box Brass phoned about doesn't match Sara or Grissom. Didn't get a hit off AFIS but it's still a lead."

"So, we've got a fingerprint and a bite mark. If we can find a suspect, we can nail him." Catherine said looking up from the diary, which she was still pouring over.

"Did Sara have any family who we should be contacting?" Brass asked as he drove Gil back to the crime lab.

"Her Dad's dead, her Mom's in a psychiatric hospital." Grissom said staring directly out through the windscreen.

"Do you want me to contact the hospital?"

"No, I'll do it. I should do it."

They returned to the lab and walked through the halls to Grissom's office. Gil sat down behind his desk and turned his computer on to search for the phone number of the hospital. When he found it, after Googling the name Sara had mentioned, he took a deep breath with his hand hovering over the phone.

Finally he picked it up and dialled the number from the computer screen.

"_Good morning, Green Hill Secure Hospital, how may I help?" _

"My name is Gil Grissom from the Las Vegas Crime Lab, I work with the daughter of a patient of yours. Her, her daughter died earlier today." His voice choked slightly on the last sentence.

"_I'm very sorry , Mr Grissom. Could you give me the name of the patient please?"_

"I think her name is Laura Sidle, but she could be using her maiden name."

"_Just one moment. I'll put you through to Ms Sidle's unit."_

"Thank you."

"_Mr Grissom?"_

"Yes?"

"_My name's Nurse Reynolds. I work on Ms Sidle's unit. I'm very sorry for the your loss of your colleague. Your colleague was Ms Sidle's daughter Sara?"_

"Yes." Gil replied, closing his eyes to stop the tears falling from the sound of her name.

"_I will inform Ms Sidle's doctor when he comes in later this morning so he can decide how best to tell Ms Sidle of her daughter's death. May I ask the circumstances of her death?"_

"She was, she was strangled." His heart breaking with every word said.

"_I'm very sorry." She repeated._

"She died in her apartment at 12:30 this afternoon."

"_Thank you for informing us, Mr Grissom. May I take your number so the doctor can contact you for further information?"_

Gil gave the nurse the number of his cell phone and hung up. He lent forward on the desk and rested his head in his hands. Jim looked over at his friend in silent despair.

"Warrick and I found some more diaries in Sara's apartment, thought they might be helpful." Nick said dropping several warn out notebooks on the table.

"Feel free to start reading." Catherine said with a miserable smile.

"Did you know about Griss and Sara?" Nick asked opening the oldest diary.

"I knew that they'd had a thing for each other for ages but I didn't know that they finally got together.

_January 24__th__ , 1982_

_The school counsellor gave me this notebook to write down my feelings. It was after my physics teacher, Miss James, sent me to see her because she thinks I am "unhappy and withdrawn". After the counsellor spent almost an hour trying to get me to talk to her, she gave in and gave me this notebook. Then she wrote something about me being "emotionally immature due to skipping a grade", she also wrote that I was "clearly unsettled in a new school", I don't think I was supposed to read that but she should leave it lying around. It's not like I asked to move up a grade, did I? I wasn't given a choice. Not that I'd prefer to be in fifth grade because I wouldn't, I mean sixth grade is easy but at least it's a bit more of a challenge that fourth grade was!_

_To be honest, I'm not really sure about my feelings. People tell me I'm smart and I understand science and math and I guess I have a good memory but this whole emotions thing is just so confusing. I don't understand how I feel, I don't think I have complicated emotions like most people. I just seem to get up and down but that's it. I don't get scared or angry or anxious or anything like other people say they do. With me I either feel good or not, there's no in between or confusion. I either am or not, simple._

_I'm hiding in my room right now, writing this. Mom and Dad are at it again. All I can hear is screaming, I just wish they would shut up so that I can concentrate on reading the book on the human immune system that I got out of the school library today. I suppose that my mom and dad are emotional people, though, if this is what emotion does to you I'd rather not have them._

_If mom and dad are emotional, and normal people are emotional does that make them normal? Is the way they behave with each other normal? I don't know, maybe I should research it._

_Anyway, I'm going to take my biology book and climb out of my window on the roof where I can get some peace and quiet. So good night._

"Did you know Sara skipped fifth grade?" Nick said.

"No, I didn't, she must have been smart."

"She seems it, at ten she was reading a book on the human immune system."

"Wow."

"I think her parents were violent with each other."

"That would explain why she always had such a problem with domestic violence cases."

"She never mentioned anything to me about her parents."

"No, me neither. But Sara was never one for talking about her problems."

"Or maybe we didn't let her know that she could trust us." Nick replied, thinking that maybe he had never given her the chance to talk to him. "Do you think Grissom knew?"

**Sorry about the delay with this chapter. I had a bit of a rethink about half way through the chapter and had to rewrite it, which took a while. Anyway, please review and let me know what you think.**


	4. Reflections

**Sorry about the delay, what with working and Christmas and eating too much my time has been short. I also needed to get this story all straight in my head but that is done now.**

**I own CSI DVDs and a CSI game but that is all.**

**Thanks for the reviews, I hope you all had a great Christmas and a happy New Year.**

**Chapter 4 - Reflections**

_January 29__th__, 1982._

_I've just got back from the hospital, I have concussion and a black eye from "falling down the stairs". I guess I got in Dad's way, again. They started screaming at each other and I couldn't get to my room fast enough. Dad was stood by the door and as I tried to slip past him, he swung his hand out and caught me on my cheek. I feel backwards and that's all I remember until I woke up in hospital yesterday morning. I don't think he meant to hit me. I was just in his way._

_I don't get why him and Mom stay together. They don't love each other, that's obvious to me and I'm only ten. Why stay in a relationship that makes you so unhappy. Mom's crazy, I would never stay with any man who treats me like that!_

_Mom made me lie to the doctors and nurses at the hospital even though she knows that I hate lying. She said I'd get taken away from them if anyone found out and that Dad doesn't mean t hurt me. To be honest, I'm not sure being taken away from them is such a bad idea. Dad always says that they've only argued since I was born so maybe they would get on better if I was around. And then I wouldn't have to listen to their screaming and shouting all day._

"When Sara was ten she got put in hospital by her Dad." Nick muttered angrily.

"What?" Catherine replied looking up from the diary she was still engrossed in.

"Her parents were fighting and she ended up with a black eye and concussion. And she blamed herself."

"Shit." Catherine paused for a second thinking about how she could never hurt Lindsey. "I didn't realise she had such a tough childhood." Catherine shook her head. "That explains a lot."

_May 24__th__, 1982_

_Miss James asked me to stay after Physics today. I thought that maybe I had done badly in the test last week but it wasn't that .(Turns out I got full marks anyway!) She had noticed bruises on my arms while we were doing an experiment and wanted to know when I got them. I thought I'd been careful to keep my arms covered but apparently I wasn't careful enough. I lied, I seem to be doing that more and more now, and told her that I fell down. It didn't sound very convincing but it was all I could think of at the time. And the worst thing was that my brain was screaming "tell her what he does to you and she'll make it all stop" but I just couldn't get the words out. I wanted to, I really did, but when it came to it I just couldn't say it._

_She asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk to her about and I opened my mouth and then closed it again finally saying "no miss"._

_I don't think she believed my lie but she seemed to pretend to. I just want it all to go away but I don't know how._

Brass entered the room followed by Greg and Warrick, the three of them sat down with Catherine and Nick around the table.

"I've got Sara's landlord coming in to be interviewed. I checked him out, he's got a record for sexual assault fifteen years ago and he had a key to Sara's apartment."

Nick looked up suddenly from the diary. "I met him while I was processing Sara's apartment. He's was really upset about Sara's death, I thought he was alright." Nick's judgement was shaken. The man he thought was 'alright' was a sexual predator. And could potentially be the bastard responsible for taking his best friend away from him.

Warrick clenched his fist in anger. "Excuse me a second." He said standing up abruptly and leaving the room. He stalked down the corridor until he found the locker room. He took deep breaths to try and calm himself down but failed and punched a nearby locker leaving a sizable dent in the metal front. He stretched his hand out and clenched it again seeing the ripped skin along the knuckles. He sat down on the bench, trying desperately to calm down.

Gil sat in solitude in his office, it was the first time he had been alone since this whole nightmare began. Images of Sara flashed in his mind.

"_Are you awake?" Gil whispered in the semi darkness of his bedroom a few months before. It was mid day but Gil's lined curtains kept out much of the light._

"_Yes, are you?" Sara replied before realising what a stupid question it was._

"_Well obviously!" He paused for a second. " I was just thinking about what my life would be like without you."_

"_Well, there'd be no one here to ask you stupid questions at night." She said turning on her side to face him, she placed her hand gently on his stomach._

"_My world would be empty without you in it. I don't know what I would do if I lost you."_

_Sara cuddled into him. "You're never going to lose me. I promise, I'll never leave you. I'm going nowhere."_

Well that was one promise she didn't, couldn't keep. He thought miserably. And he promised that he would always protect her, another promise not kept.

Brass began the interview as the Sun first began to rise.

"Mr Sanchez, my name's Detective Brass, as I'm sure you're aware we're investigating the death of Sara Sidle who rented one of your apartments. Can you tell me how well you knew Miss Sidle?"

"I didn't really know here at all. What with her working nights. But she seemed nice enough whenever I did see her, polite, quiet, always paid her rent on time."

"When was the last time you saw her?"

"Er, last week, Friday evening I think. I'd been checking the boilers in all the apartments that day, saved hers for the evening when I knew she'd be up getting ready to work, didn't want to wake her. She was just on her way out. We spoke for a few minutes about the noise coming from one of the apartments nearby but that was it, haven't seen her since."

"Has anyone been hanging around your apartment block? Anyone acting strangely?"

"No, I don't think so. Oh, there was one guy, hanging around in the parking lot yesterday morning at about ten, ten fifteen, I didn't recognise him. When I walked back through about ten minutes later he was gone, I assumed he was meeting someone."

"Can you give me a description of him?"

"Yeah, he was in his sixties, well built, dark brown hair but with a few greys, he hadn't shaven. He was wearing dark trousers and a light blue shirt, and he was carrying a bag."

"What sort of bag?"

"A dark coloured holdall, about the size of a bag you'd take away for the weekend."

"Where were you between ten thirty and twelve thirty yesterday?"

"In my office. Why? Am I a suspect? I barely knew her."

"Can anyone corroborate that?"

"No, I didn't see anyone, if that's what you mean." He replied disgruntled.

"That's interesting, because you have a record of sexually assaulting woman, don't you Mr Sanchez. What happened? You thought you had a chance with her? Maybe you waited in her apartment for her to come home this morning and when she did, you tried it on but she said no, right? Beautiful woman like Sara, you wouldn't have stood a chance. Did you get angry? Decide to teach her a lesson? She said no so you raped her. Maybe you didn't mean to kill her, maybe you just went too far, and suddenly you had a dead body on your hands."

"You have absolutely no evidence to prove that I killed her." Sanchez said angrily.

"Not yet but if you did do it, then we will find the evidence to prove it."

"I didn't do it."

"Ok, Mr Sanchez, you've been very helpful. You're free to go, don't leave the country though, we'll need to speak to you again." Brass said, frowning at his new suspect.

"Look, I don't want to sound insensitive but when are you going to be done with my apartment, I need to get her stuff moved out, this is losing me money. She's hardly going to pay next months rent, is she?"

"Get out of here, Mr Sanchez, before I think of some reason to stick you in a cell for a few hours."

"Look, I'm just being practical, this is my livelihood."

Gil's phone rang, startling him out of his reverie.

"Gil Grissom."

"_Mr Grissom? My name's Dr Burnley, I'm calling from Green Hill Hospital. I'm so sorry for the loss of your colleague."_

"Thank you."

"_I've informed Mrs Sidle of the death of her daughter. She has contacted her brother, a Mr Jason Reeves who is going to come to Las Vegas immediately. He should arrive tonight, I've told him to go to the police department when he arrives."_

"Thank you." Gil repeated.

"_Mrs Sidle wanted me to ask you to do everything to find her daughter's killer."_

Gil took a deep breath. "I will. Thank you for calling, Doctor."

"What did you think of the landlord?" Nick asked as Brass walked back into the room.

"He was helpful right up to the point that I asked if he had an alibi, which he didn't, then he got very defensive. He did say that he'd seen a guy hanging around in the car lot just before Sara got home, I'll take another look at the CCTV later."

Greg slumped down in a chair. I have tried every method possible, we can't get any DNA from the semen sample Doc Robbins collected, I'm sorry." He looked resigned, feeling like he had failed Sara when she needed him.

"That's ok," Catherine said gently, "we still have the fingerprint and the bite mark. Once we find a suspect, we can prove it was him."

"We've got two suspects; the landlord and the mystery guy in the parking lot who may or may not exist. Gil thinks Sara had been home a few minutes when she was disturbed, so that suggests it was some that Sara trusted enough to let in."

"The missing ring suggests to me that it was personal, someone from the past who knew what the ring was." Catherine said.

"Could it not be an opportunistic theft?" Greg asked.

"No, there was plenty of other stuff that was ignored, cash, cards, cell phone... he didn't even take her gun." Nick said shaking his head. "And nothing else was disturbed, he must have known that she kept it in there."

"We don't really have much to go on, do we?" Warrick said, massaging his bruised knuckles.

"Nick and I have been going through her diary, nothing so far, but it's the only connection to her past that we have. If it's someone she knew then she must have mentioned him somewhere."

"Unless her neighbours throw up a lead, or something comes from the CCTV, then we keep with the diary, it's the only way we are going to find someone from her past." Brass said sighing.

"Alright guys," Catherine said nodding at the box of diaries on the table, "take a diary and note down any names that stand out." The three guy took a diary each and settled down to start reading, each feeling guilty for invading Sara's sacred privacy.

_October 9__th__, 1984_

_I can't get the image of him out of my head, every time I close my eyes I see the pool of blood on the kitchen floor, the blood sprayed up the wall, even on the ceiling. The average adult male has ten pints of blood in their body, I think about eight or nine pints of his blood must have been spread around the kitchen by the time she had finished with him._

_I don't understand why she did it, after all this time. Why not just leave him? I'm the first to admit that he was evil but how does killing him help. Now Mom will end up in jail, Dad will end up in a hole in the ground and I'll end up in some hell hole foster home. _

_She kept screaming 'I did it for you' at me as the police dragged her away but she's just made things worse. I never asked her to stick a kitchen knife in his chest, did I?_

_The social worker brought me my things today. I wasn't allowed back into my home to pack it up myself. There wasn't much, some clothes, books, Grandma's ring and my old teddy bear. Not much for twelve years of life. She couldn't even bring me all of my books, some of them had been in the kitchen when Mom flipped and now they're soaked in blood so the police took them as evidence. _

_The foster home is so noisy, it's full of horrible kids screaming and running around. It's worse than being at home with Mom and Dad screaming at each other._

"Oh my God." Greg said alarmed.

"What? Have you found a suspect?" Catherine said, her hopes picking up.

"No, no but Sara's life, it was just so, so horrific. I don't know how she got through it."

"What happened?" Warrick asked not sure whether he wanted to know.

"I think her Mom stabbed her Dad to death. And she saw it. She was only twelve. How do you get through that and then work around violence every day."

"Why would her Mom kill her Dad?" Warrick asked feeling like he was missing something.

"Her Dad used to beat Sara and her Mom up." Nick replied quietly.

"I'll find the case file on his death." Brass muttered.

**Please review??**


	5. Related Enemies

Sorry about the huge delay with this chapter, writers block, exams, lab reports are all to blame. But I have written the last chapter of this fic so I know where I am going with it.

This chapter contains description of self harm. If you do or have self harmed it could be a trigger and I urge you to skip the diary entry at the end. You will still follow the story if you miss that section, so please, if it may affect you don't read it.

As usual, I love reviews, please let me know what you think of it so that I can improve as a writer. The next chapter will be done as soon as possible but I have seven lab reports to do before the end of term and five exams after Easter to revise for so things are a bit hectic at the moment.

Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter and to all the people who have put me on their favourites and alert lists, it is very much appreciated. Appologies for any mistakes that I have missed, I really hate proof reading!

I own season one to eight on DVD and the CSI computer game but thats it. However it is my birthday next month (not going to be a teenager for much longer) so fingers crossed!

Any way on with the story...

**Chapter 5 –** **Related Enemies**

"The landlord didn't do it." Catherine said hanging up the phone. "His teeth didn't match the bite mark on Sara."

"So our only suspect is this guy on the CCTV?" Greg asked, yawning with exhaustion.

"Yeah, but if we can find him we can rule him in or out as the suspect." Catherine rested her head in her hands.

"Have we got any leads on him?" Nick said.

The team was exhausted. It was mid afternoon and they had been working for over seventeen hours. They hadn't stopped for a break and adrenaline was the only thing keeping them going. Emotions were running high making them all short tempered and miserable, leads were running out and they were beginning to think that they may not crack this case.

Forensic evidence was coming up short. Nothing, other that the bite mark, had given them the slightest lead. Even that needed a suspect to compare it too, there was no database of bite marks.

Throughout this they were trying to come to terms with the loss of a very close friend. The graveyard shift was unusually close and each felt like they were missing a limb. Conversations left unfinished, comments never said, plans never realised, they were feeling the loss dearly.

They were also struggling with the realisation that they knew much less about Sara than they thought they did. None could comprehend the knowledge of what Sara had suffered as a child, nor that she had been in a relationship with their boss for two years without them realising or even suspecting.

"We've got a description," Brass began recounting what the landlord had told him, "sixties, brown hair but slightly greying, unshaven, wearing a light blue shirt, carrying a dark bag. I've got the CCTV of the parking lot, it needs watching."

"I'll do that," Greg said suddenly, dropping the diary that he was reluctantly reading, "can't read much more of that."

Catherine nodded, she was finding it just a difficult to read through Sara's personal and often painful, traumatic thoughts as well, the things she had never imagined anyone reading.

"It's going to leave us no closer to identifying him though. And we still have no motive for it." She said sighing. "I've not found any motives in her diary yet."

The guys all nodded in agreement, they'd found nothing in the pages of Sara's diaries.

"I'm going to go and check on Gil." Jim said standing up and dropping the CCTV disc on the table in front of Greg.

Brass left the room and was followed by Greg who headed for the AV lab. Brass' phone rang just as he stopped outside Grissom's office.

"Brass."

"_Its Doc Robbins, I thought you should know that Gil's here again. He doesn't want to leave Sara."_

Brass looked through the door to Grissom's office, it was empty. "Thanks, I'll be there soon."

Greg slumped in the chair in the AV lab. He dropped the CCTV disc on the desk in front of him and dropped his head into his hands. He was very close to Sara, there was no denying that, his heart was breaking with grief for his friend and mentor. Without Sara he wouldn't be a CSI, she took him under her wing and taught him everything she knew, which was a lot.

He shook himself out of his reminiscing, there was still a murderer to catch. He slipped the disc into the machine and sat back.

"Gil?" Jim said gently. Grissom was sat by Sara's side, tenderly holding her hand.

"Sara's mother knows." He replied not looking up from Sara's face. "The doctor at the hospital said that Sara's uncle is coming to Vegas, he should be here this evening, he's going to go to the PD."

"Is there anything that I can get you?" Jim asked feeling useless.

"Unless you can bring her back to me, no." He continued staring at Sara for several more moments. "I fell in love with her the day I met her, when she was working in San Francisco."

"I know, we could all tell that there was something between the day you asked her to come to Vegas."

"I thought it was better for both of us if we didn't get involved, but it wasn't, when I finally plucked up the courage, it was like everything suddenly made sense."

"When did you two..."

"After Nick's abduction. I realised that life was too short, so after we finished that night I went over to hers, she'd fallen asleep on her couch, I woke her up and told her that I loved her. We chatted for a while and then the next night I took her out for dinner. Just took it from there. It wasn't easy, both obsessed with our jobs, working long hours and with not many communication skills but it all just seemed right, it worked. I don't know what to do without her, she's my world."

"You must have been good for her, she's seemed much happier recently." Brass said, he had noticed the change in Sara, he just hadn't known what or who had caused it.

"She was. She needed someone who she could trust, who understood her. Gave her a chance to start getting over her childhood. Things were just starting to look up for her and now . . . how could anyone do this to her?"

"I don't know but we'll catch the bastard."

After seeing everyone else's reactions to Sara's diaries, Warrick grimly opened the book that he had picked up.

_January 27__th__, 1989_

_When I was tidying my room earlier I found my old diary from school – what a depressing read! I haven't written in it for years but I do remember how much it helped when things were tough. I've never been able to tell people how I feel, never had anyone to tell, and it's much easier telling someone who won't judge me or pity me, someone who already knows, who can't tell the entire school. I've decided to start a new diary but this one, rather than being about anger and pain, will be about recovery._

_For years I could barely comprehend some of the things that happened when I was a child. I was well practiced at the art of hiding my emotions until it got to the stage where I could no longer feel my emotions. _

_I closed myself off from reality and refused to acknowledge what was happening to me. I locked the trauma away deep inside and allowed it to poison me. If I'm honest it still poisons me. It still makes me angry and anxious and scared._

_I can admit it to myself now, even if I can admit it to no one else. I can accept that my father abused me, that he beat my mother and me, that he raped me. And I can also admit that my mother killed him because she didn't know how else to stop him. I know what she did was wrong, no matter what no one has the right to take another's life. And I can never understand why she wouldn't just walk away from him when she had the chance and take me with her. But she did it and whatever her excuse or justification for it, I had no control over it and I cannot change it. I didn't kill my father. She did and she's being punished for it. _

_I don't want it to take over my life. I hate who I am because of him. I hate that I feel so anxious all the time, that I don't trust people, that I don't understand them. I don't know who I would have been if I'd been born into a normal, loving home and I never will, but I think it's safe to say that life would have been easier._

_Sometimes it threatens to overwhelm me and its time like that that I feel at my lowest, unable to cope with who I am. That's when I self destruct, when I drink too much, when I don't sleep or eat, when I self harm._

_I know it's unhealthy but I cut my skin to cope with the feelings of anger, fear, anxiety or numbness. Sometimes it's better to feel pain that live with the monotony of feeling nothing. It's like a pressure valve inside me, when it all gets too much, when I just want to scream I cut myself and the tension just evaporates. I focus on the blood, I can't help staring at it, it is just so beautiful. I watch as the blood beads up through my skin, as it collects and the drips down. I imagine it is like taking a drug, the ecstasy that results from the simple action of sliding a blade along my skin can be matched by nothing else, nothing brings the same relief. When I'm focusing on the pain and the blood I can think of nothing else and that refreshes my mind, gives me time to relax without memories and fears crowding my thoughts, making them jumbled and confused. Then I can concentrate on caring for the wound that I have inflicted upon myself, I clean it, apply antiseptic cream and then a plaster. The next day, when I feel numb or confused I can run my finger over the scar and it gives me something physical to think about. As the pain from the wound subsides it takes a little of the emotional pain away as well and that is surely a good thing._

_What my father did to me lives with me constantly. It pops into my mind at the most inappropriate places, in the middle of an exam, talking to my lecturer, trying to have a normal life. I won't let it stop me but it does make things hard. It's very difficult to be intimate with someone when your thinking about how your own father raped you. It quickly puts you out of the mood._

_The secrecy is exhausting as well. I'm always hiding behind a mask. Pretending to be someone that I am not. Pretending to be normal. I hide my scars from the people around me, the physical and mental scars that will stay with me forever. It would just take one thoughtless slip, one scar to be seen and I would be branded insane, carted off to an psychiatric ward before people even have the chance to say "she's a self harmer." _

_Sometimes I get paranoid and become convinced that everyone knows, that they can read it on my face, that my body language is disobeying me and is screaming "I was abused." That's when I hide, when I lock myself in my room with only my thoughts. But that is a vicious spiral. The more time I spend alone, the more I think and the I think, the more I shy away from contact with the outside world._

_I never told anyone what he did to me, at my mother's trial I stayed quiet. Maybe if I had told them what she was protecting me from she might have got a lighter sentence, instead she pleaded insanity to avoid the death sentence and will spend the rest of her life in a mental institution. I feel guilty that I didn't have the courage to tell the police officers and the social workers and the child psychologists who interviewed me during the investigation the truth. Then perhaps I would have spent the rest of my childhood in foster care. _

_When a child spends too long in foster care they become lost, nothing more than a statistic. Foster children are the kids that no one wants. People feel sorry for them, they pity them but they don't love them. A child needs love to grow and if they are denied care, gentle touch, loving hugs they don't develop normally._

Greg pressed pause as he saw a man lurking in front of the CCTV camera who matched the description. He printed off the best shot he could get and hurried out of the room to show Brass.

He stopped as he left the lab and saw Sofia leading the same man into an interview room.

"How did you find him?" Greg asked Brass.

"Who?" Brass replied looking confusedly at Greg.

"The guy that Sara's landlord saw."

"Greg what are you going on about?" Brass replied none the wiser.

"The guy with Sofia, look, " he help up the print out of the CCTV picture, "he's the same guy, the guy seen hanging around Sara's apartment block."

Brass glanced at the image in front of him. "But that's Sara's uncle, he's just flown in from California."


	6. Pieces Of The Puzzle

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Author's Notes: **SAY NO TO PLAGIARISM! **

**Chapter 6 – Pieces Of The Puzzle**

"He's her uncle?" Greg repeated, shocked. "But that's the guy who's been hanging around outside her apartment. How could he have just flown in?

"I don't know." Brass replied. "But I'm going to find out."

He walked into the interview room with the CCTV picture and sat beside Sofia who was telling him how sorry she was.

"Mr Reeves, my name is Detective Jim Brass, I worked with your niece. Can you tell me when you arrived in Las Vegas?"

Reeves frowned. "About two hours ago, why? Why are you questioning me about when I got in rather than finding my niece's killer."

"We have CCTV of a man matching your description hanging around outside Sara's apartment just hours before she was killed," Jim placed the image on the table, "is this you?"

"Could have been anyone." Reeves replied, his jaw set defensively.

---

"Greg, what's happening?" Catherine said as she caught sight of Greg hovering outside an interrogation room.

Greg nodded to the window. "Who's that?" Catherine asked, looking through the window.

"Sara's uncle. He just turned up. But he was the CCTV from outside Sara's apartment just before she..."

"Her uncle?"

"Yeah. Sofia's sorting out the warrant for a dental impression from him."

Catherine looked stunned.

"I just don't understand people," Greg's voice was shaking as he tried to hold back the tears. "Why would he do that to Sara? To his own niece. I just don't understand."

"me neither." Catherine replied shaking her head sadly.

---

_March 25__th__, 1987_

_I was really distracted in physics today, Jessica and Caitlyn were having a loud conversation about how they fight with their parents just in front of me and I couldn't help but listen in. They were complaining to each other about how they aren't allowed out late and that their parents lecture them about grades and homework. I just thought that it was so unfair. Neither of them have had to go to hospital with concussion or a broken arm just because they were in their father's way. They haven't had to lie about the bruises to their teachers. They haven't watched their dad beat their mom until she was unconscious, and then spend the night sat beside her because you're terrified she's going to die but even more scared about what he would do it you called an ambulance._

_They go to bed each night safe at home, with their parents who must love them enough to care about what time they get in and how well they do at school. I live with strangers and move every few months to stay with another set of strangers. I've lived in so many houses over the last two and half years that I can hardly keep track of my address or the names of the foster parents and the other kids. _

_They have no idea what it's like to feel so ashamed, so angry that the only way to soothe it is to take it out on yourself. To hurt your body to stop the pain in your head. _

_I'm sick of dreaming about that night, they're so vivid, I can see the blood spatter over the walls, I can even smell the iron lingering in the air from the sheer amount of blood, I can smell the scent of death._

_When I wake up I'm too terrified to go back to sleep because I don't want to see the image of my dead father again, see my mom cowering in the corner with the knife still in her hands and blood soaked into her pyjamas._

_I remember the flashing lights of the police car, shining through the windows. They never turned them off, even when they'd arrived and got out of the car. They lit the front rooms, turning everything a strange colour._

_My dad wasn't the only person to die that night. My mom and I also died, our lives ended it. Mom got sent to prison and I got stuck in foster care. She might as well have to killed us all._

_I don't know what I am going to do if I don't get a scholarship to college. I can't stay here. Everyone knows. They see me and they think "that's the girl who's mother killed her father". I can feel them judging me and I just want to scream that it's not my fault, that I didn't kill him._

_Maybe it is my fault, Mom always used to say it was, after he hit me. I'd always got in his way, or said something wrong. I was too smart, too quiet, not like normal girls. How could I be a normal child when I was growing up in a house like that. I thought I was normal, that everyone lived the way we do but apparently not._

_It makes me feel sad sometimes, when I see other kids and how they grow up. It feels like I'm missing something, some huge, important part of life which I just didn't get. I know they say "you can't miss something you never had" but it's really not true, you can and I do._

_I seem to have been missing the day luck was given out._

Nick sighed as he came to the end of the entry. "Jesus." He whispered under his breath.

"You alright?" Warrick asked.

"Yeah, it's just I'm starting to realise that we had didn't really know anything about Sara. All these years and we didn't have a clue. We completely missed about her and Grissom, we missed how terrible her childhood was and when she needed us, we just weren't there for her." Nick was suddenly feeling very guilty.

"I know, man, she had a rough time of it. And all the clues where there, we all saw her loose it over domestic abuse cases but we never saw the reason why. We never asked. She must have thought we just didn't care." Warrick replied shaking his head.

"You remember that mail order bride case?"

"When Sara got suspended for insubordination?"

"Yeah, I was so horrible to her. I didn't even think about why she was getting upset about it. I gave her a hard time and even worse, I gave up on her. I forgot that she was my friend." Nick was cringing at the memories of the things he had said to her.

"None of us were there for her, especially after the team were split up. We turned into enemies and there was no one there to check she was alright, that she was eating and sleeping and going home occasionally." Warrick said shaking his head.

"We really let her down. And now it's too late, there's nothing we can do about it."

"We can get her justice."

Nick looked defeated. "I'm not sure sending the bastard who did this to prison for the rest of his life is enough."

---

"We've checked with McCarran Airport, Mr Reeves." Brass said pausing to allow Reeves to take in what he was saying. "You said that you arrived in Las Vegas a few hours ago, they have no record of you landing on any of their flights, however they do have a Mr J Reeves who landed at six forty two am yesterday morning from San Francisco. That was you, why did you lie about when you arrived in San Francisco?"

"Ok, so I was on a trip to see Vegas, is that illegal now? I was going to go and see Sara at some point while I was here and I never got the chance to see my niece before she died."

"We have a warrant for your DNA and a cast of your bite mark." Brass said slamming the paper down on the table in front of Reeves.

"Why? On what grounds."

"Hmm." Brass said looking over at Sofia with a mock confused look on his face. "Maybe it's because you lied to us when we asked you when you have arrived in Vegas, maybe it's because you match the description of a man seen hanging around your nieces apartment. But as I have a warrant you don't have any choice in the matter.

**Please review because they make me smile.**


	7. Evidentiary Value

**Chapter 7 – Evidentiary value**

"The dental impression from Jason Reeves is consistent with the bite mark evidence that I retrieved from Sara Sidle. In my professional opinion Reeves was responsible with the bite mark on the victim." The forensic odontologist said as she finished making notes for her report. Each member of the team flinched at the word victim.

"It's definitely him?" Brass asked.

"The chances of it being another person who bit Ms Sidle is practically negligible." She said smiling sadly at them. She could see the team she had been called into help was grieving for their fallen colleague.

"The suspect has a number of unique dental characteristics. He has several chipped teeth, a diastema. The bite mark also shows signs of these characteristics. This increases the evidentiary value of the comparison."

"Thank you." Brass said as they left her to write the report on her analysis.

"You're welcome."

"With that and the fingerprint match, we've got him." Catherine said.

"It's not going to bring her back though, is it?" Greg murmured, looking down at the table.

"Nothing we can do can bring her back. But we've got her justice, that's all we can do." Warrick replied gently.

"She should have been able to trust him, he was her uncle. How could he do that to her?" Nick asked, shaking with anger.

"I'm going to interview him, confront him with the evidence we've got, see what he says." Brass stood up.

"Can I join you?" Catherine requested, needing the answer to Nicks question.

"Sure."

---

There rest of the team assembled to watch the interview, hoping it would bring them closure. No one noticed Grissom quietly open the door and stand behind them as Brass began the interview.

"Right Reeves, time to tell us the truth. We have your fingerprints on a jewellery box in your nieces apartment, a ring from that jewellery box was stolen when Sara was murdered, your mothers ring I believe. What was it, you jealous that your mom gave it to Sara's mom?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Reeves replied.

"We've also had a forensic odontologist in. Do you know what that is?" Reeves didn't reply. "It's a forensic dental expert. She's confirmed that the bite mark found on Sara was made by you. How do you think you're going to get out of that one Reeves? You're going down for her rape and murder. All we want to know is why? Why did you kill Sara? She was your niece, why did you rape her?"

"Fine. I killed her. You want to know why I did it? Cos she was a little bitch. That cow killed her father, she slept with her father and she let her own mother take responsibility for it."

"Sara didn't kill her father though did she? Laura Sidle killed him." Catherine said, struggling to keep her cool.

"Her name is Laura _Reeves_. She should never have got involved with Sidle. Sara was just like her bastard of a father. She let her mother take the rap for it and then wouldn't even visit her in prison. Laura was desperate to see that little brat, so I came to Vegas to talk to her. But she wouldn't listen, she couldn't be bothered to go and see her own mom, said she had to work. So I taught her a lesson. One that she wouldn't forget."

"Are you confessing to the rape and murder of Sara Sidle."

"Yeah, I suppose I am."

The door behind the team slammed shut and they turned to look at each other to work out who had just left. Before they realised, they saw Grissom storm into the interrogation room and grab Reeves by the throat.

"You bastard." Gil screamed with his hands around his throat. "You took her away from me. You killed her."

It took a surprised Brass several seconds to respond. He pulled Grissom off, Reeves collapsed to the floor gasping for breath.

"He attacked me. He tried to strangle me." Reeves shouted.

"Well now you know how Sara felt." Grissom shouted in reply.

"Shut up Gil." Brass said as he turned to Reeves. "I don't know what you're talking about. You fell off your chair. Grissom was just trying to help you up." He placed handcuffs on Reeves and pushed him out of the room into the care of uniformed officers.

"What did you think you were doing Gil?" Brass shouted. "Do you want to get yourself suspended."

"I don't care about that. I don't care." Gil screamed back. "You should have let me kill him, he killed Sara, he killed my Sara."

Catherine knelt down beside Gil as he sobbed. She pulled her into an embrace and held him as he cried. "There's no point. Without Sara I have nothing."

"I'm sorry Gil, I'm so sorry." Catherine whispered as tears trickled down her own cheeks.

**Reviews?**


	8. The Truth

**Chapter 8 – The Truth**

_Sara knocked on the door but stepped through without waiting for an invitation. She shut the door quietly behind her. "Hey."_

"_Hi." He replied looking up from his work. "I'm going to be a while honey, I've got to get this finished by the end of the month."_

"_That's ok. I'm shattered so I'm going to go back to mine and have an early night."_

"_Ok, sweetheart, I'll see you tomorrow." He stood and kissed her gently on the lips._

"_I'll call you later." She said breaking away and smiling at him._

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too." And with that she shut the door and was gone._

_She stumbled through the hallways and out to her car, throwing herself exhaustedly into the drivers seat and starting the engine._

_When she finally got home she fumbled with her key in her lock and then fell through the door, slamming it shut behind herself. She pushed off her shoes and left them beside the door before walking into her bedroom and putting her gun into the top drawer of her beside cabinet. _

_She was in her bathroom with her hand on the shower controls when she heard a banging on the door. She went back to the door and glanced through the peep hole frowning at the unfamiliar face before her._

"_Sara?" The man said as soon as she cautiously opened the door. _

"_Yes?"_

"_You probably don't remember me? I'm your Mom's brother, Jason."_

"_Oh." She replied clearly surprised at the sudden appearance of an uncle who she hadn't seen in over twenty years._

"_I've got some news about your Mom, can I come in?"_

_She stood back to let him in, her heart beating hard in her chest with concern over the news he was bearing._

"_Your Mom's not well, I think you should go to California to see her."_

"_Oh." She sat down with a bump, the last thing she wanted to do was see her Mom. "I have a job," she said after a pause, "I can't just leave."_

"_Sara, this is your Mom. She's been stuck in that place for twenty three years, she needs to see you."_

"_I'm sorry." She said standing up. "I can't."_

"_She's in that hell hole and you can't even be bothered to go and see her." He said angrily, stepping towards her._

"_It's not that simple." She said stepping away from him._

"_She's only in that place because of you." He shouted._

"_No, it's wasn't my fault." Her voice was shaking, she felt like she was still a little girl stuck in a violent home._

_He stepped towards her, pushing her back against the wall. He grabbed her wrists. "She killed him for you, you little slut."_

"_No, I tried to stop her, she wouldn't listen."_

"_You killed him! And she took the blame for you."_

"_No, I didn't!"_

_He grabbed her jaw. "You lying little cow, you'll pay for what you did to my sister." He tightened his grip on her jaw and pushed her head against the wall, dazing her. She slipped down the wall as she saw stars dancing in front of her eyes._

_Taking advantage of her sudden defencelessness, he grabbed her wrists and dragged her through into her bedroom. He threw her onto the bed and took a ball of string from his pocket. He bound her hands together and tied them to the bed frame. _

_As her mind began to clear, she began fighting back. He placed his fingers around her throat and gripped tightly. "Stay still and shut up or you will die like your bastard of a Father did." Suddenly there was a knife in his hands, which she didn't remember being there before. He held it firmly against her stomach forcing her to realise that dying like her father was a distinct possibility._

_Terrified she lay still and he sat down on her knees making it impossible for her to move beneath his weight._

"_I bet your Father loved you, so feisty." He muttered kissing her lips. He tried to force his tongue into her mouth but she kept her lips tightly shut and turned her face away. This just seemed to spur him on._

_His hands travelled down to the button on her trousers and Sara closed her eyes to stem the flow of tears dripping down her cheeks as she thought of Grissom. _

"_No, no." She screamed knowing that her neighbours were all out working and there was no one to hear her desperate cries for help._

"_Why are you doing this?" She sobbed as he pulled her jeans down over her struggling legs._

"_To punish you." He said not looking up from his task. "You slept with your own father, you killed him. Now you have to suffer for your sins." He finally got her jeans down and stopped to look over at her._

_She took her chance and desperately kicked out knowing that it was her final chance. She managed to kick him in the chest and winded him enough for him to move away for a few seconds. She used the opportunity to try and escape, tugging on her wrists to free herself._

_It was a pointless activity though, he had tied her wrists so tightly that she didn't have a chance of pulling her arms free._

"_You're going to regret that you fucking whore." He gasped as he undid his own trousers._

"_No, no." She cried feeling him roughly enter her._

"_Is this how you like it Sara? Rough? Did you beg him?"_

"_Please, please don't. I tried to stop him, I begged him to stop but he wouldn't listen. I tried to protect Mom but I couldn't. I was just a kid."_

_Tears ran down Sara's cheeks as she desperately sobbed, calling Gil's name as pain ripped though. He raped he over and over again and she clung to the hope that Gil would appear at any minute, like a knight in shining armour, to rescue her. _

"_I hope you're suffering like she did." He whispered into Sara's ear when he finally pulled away from her. "Now admit what you did. Admit that you fucked and killed your own father."_

"_No, never." Sara muttered weakly._

"_Admit it."_

"_No Mom killed him, it was her choice." She shouted._

_He place his hand tightly over her mouth._

"_Haven't learnt your lesson yet?" He asked grinning sickly at her as he prepared to rape her again._

_She wanted to scream for Gil but could barely breath. Finally she closed her eyes and blocked all external feelings thinking only of Gil._

_She noticed him pulling abruptly out of her though. "Who's fault was it?"_

"_I, I tried to stop her." She replied quietly. Pain was soaring through her body, ripping her apart. She knew she was losing consciousness and was incapable of preventing it. _

_He placed his hands around her neck and she fought against him, kicking and twisting. She knew she was going to die and she knew she would never see Gil again, that thought was enough to keep her fighting to the end._

_Her last thought was of the beautiful man who had lit up her life, who has made her want to live again._

_When she stopped struggling he sat back on his feet and looked at what he had done. "Shit." Perhaps he had gone too far. He desperately tried to cover up his crime and then ran away. _

**So now we all know what really happened to Sara. Final chapter will be up as soon as I finish it. Which might be a while because it's quite a hard chapter to write. **


	9. The Funeral

**Chapter 9 – The Funeral**

Catherine and Jim arrived at quarter past nine, they knocked and waited for Gil to answer the door. After a few minutes Grissom opened the door and stepped back silently to allow them through.

He was still dressed in jogging bottoms and a sweatshirt that Sara often had stolen off him when she was cold. It still smelt of her.

"Gil," Catherine said gently, "you need to get ready."

Grissom nodded and left the room, still without saying anything.

"Shit." Brass said, collapsing down on Grissom's sofa.

"Yeah." Catherine agreed subconsciously taking in her surroundings. It looked like nothing had changed since Sara had last been there, like Grissom hadn't wanted to touch anything. Sara's jacket was still thrown over the back of the sofa, her favourite mug was beside the sink after she's had a cup of coffee of her last day here.

"I don't know how we're going to get him through this." Catherine said as she stopped to look at the photos that Grissom had left out on the coffee table.

"If we can get him through today then he can start to grieve properly." Jim said without looking convinced. "How are the guys coping? I've not had the chance to see them much since..."

"Warrick's hiding it all with anger but he hates that he couldn't protect her. Nick feels guilty that he never knew that things were so tough for Sara. And Greg's not really saying much at all, he's really missing her, she trained him. I think he's lost a lot of confidence, he's having a tough time dealing with cases." Catherine said shaking her head.

"And you?"

"Me? I'm fine."

Brass raised his eyebrows.

"I saw all the signs that something was wrong and I never asked her. I gave her such a hard time when the team got split up. And after Eddie died."

"You shouldn't feel guilty. Sara didn't want to talk about it. We couldn't force her to."

"How are you coping? Sara was like a daughter to you."

"Can't get the image out of my head."

Catherine didn't need to ask what the image was. She was having trouble forgetting the sight of Sara lying dead.

A door shut quietly and Catherine turned to see Grissom dressed in a black suit, tying a black tie around his neck. He shuffled passed them to a half empty bottle of whiskey, he poured himself a large glass and swallowed it quickly.

"You want one?" He said shrugging as he caught sight of Catherine and Brass watching him.

"No thanks." Jim replied as Gil poured himself another glass of whiskey and drank it down. He needed Dutch courage to get through today.

"The car will be here in a minute." Catherine said gently. "The guys are going to meet us at the church."

Gil sat down and looked through the pile of photos until he came to one that he had taken of her when she wasn't expecting it. She had been sat looking at a forensic journal. She was dressed casually, no makeup, pyjama bottoms and a tank top, hair tied back, beautiful in Gil's eyes. She'd looked up at the last minute and was saying his name. It was his favourite photo of her, she looked so natural in it. He stared at it for a moment or two and then slid it into his pocket when he heard the door bell ring.

"That'll be the car." Catherine said quietly.

Gil looked at the hearse through the window, the sight of her coffin was too much.

"I can't do this." He muttered backing away from the window. "I can't, I, I can't."

"You can. You need to do this. You'll regret it later if you don't."

"I can't say good bye."

"It's not going to make it any less real if you don't."

Gil swallowed loudly and nodded. "Ok."

Catherine placed a comforting hand on his back as they left the house and got into the car.

---

Jim and Catherine sat either side of Gil in the church, Warrick sat on Catherine's other side, then Nick and then Greg. In the row behind sat the lab rats, Al Robbins and David. The rest of the church was filled with the majority of Las Vegas law enforcement and several of Sara's friends and colleagues from San Francisco.

Gil wasn't listening to anything said during the funeral. Instead he took the necklace that he had given Sara for their first anniversary out of his pocket and held it tightly in his hand. He thought of Sara, of every moment they shared together, he didn't want to forget a second of it. He thought of the silent moments, where neither needed to say anything, when they enjoyed comfortable silence. Of the hours they spent working together, crawling around filthy crime scenes, him being distracted from the case by the look of concentration on her face. He remembered the time they spent cuddled up together in bed, chatting about nonsense, anything that came into their heads without worrying about how it sounded.

Gil was distracted from his thoughts by Brass nudging him. "It's time for you to say something, about Sara."

Gil slowly got up and went to the front. He looked surprised, like he hadn't realised that anyone else was there.

"Most of you are here because you knew Sara professionally. You knew her intelligence, her dedication, her determination. When Sara was on a case nothing else mattered, she wouldn't eat, sleep, take a break until the case was over, until she'd solved it. But there was another side of Sara that most of you would never have seen. Away from the lab Sara was amazing. She's so beautiful, so funny. When it was just me and her we could go for hours without saying anything, because we didn't need to. I just had to look at her and I knew exactly what she was thinking. It took me seven years before I got up the courage to ask Sara out, now I can't stop thinking about how much time I wasted, how unimportant my worries seem now. I wish I could change things, I wish I could bring her back. And I don't know what to do without her." He finished quietly and returned to sit down.

Somehow Grissom got through the rest of the service and then it was just him and the team at the cemetery for the burial. The team gathered around him in support, they linked arms in one long chain as the coffin was lowered into the ground. Grissom shook with silent sobs. Tears ran down Catherine's cheeks, and none of the guys eyes were dry.

When it was over, the team stepped away from the grave respectfully to allow Grissom some time alone. They walked together through the graveyard silently. Sara was on all of their minds.

Grissom sat down on the grass beside the grave.

"I'm so sorry sweetheart. I'm so sorry. I'm promised that I would protect you. I promised that I wouldn't let anyone hurt you again. And I wasn't there for you. I'll never forgive myself for that. Never. I'd do anything to bring you back. I wish I was with you so much. I don't know what to do without you. Don't know how to live without you anymore."

Catherine returned after half an hour. "Maybe we should go now." She said softly.

Gil shook his head. "I'm going to spend a little while longer with her."

"I'll stay with you."

"No, it's ok Catherine. You go back with everyone else. I can't leave her just yet."

"Are you sure? I don't mind staying?"

"No, go on. Go back with the others. I'll be ok." Gil tried to look reassuring, all he wanted was to be alone with Sara.

"Ok Gil. Ring us if you need us." She said and walked back to the group shaking her head slightly.

The rest of the team went to drown their sorrows at a bar near the lab. Brass bought a round and carried it over to the table where the team had gathered. They each took their drinks and held them up. "To Sara." They muttered simultaneously.

---

Gil remained at the side of the grave for several hours before walking back to the lab. He couldn't face going home to the silence now she wasn't there, but he needed to be somewhere where she felt close.

He sat at his desk as exhaustion hit him suddenly. He hadn't slept in his bed since Sara had died, it didn't feel right any more. The only sleep he had got was a few hours here and there on the sofa when tiredness and alcohol had got too much for him. Holding the necklace in his hand he felt his eyes closing as sleep slowly overcame him.

"Gil, Gil, wake up."

**I know I am being really mean to Grissom. Some of you might call it torture. But I might start being nice to him soon. Only one chapter left I think. The more reviews I get the faster I write so please review cos I have tonsillitis at the moment and reviews make me feel much better! **


	10. Sara?

**Ok, this is it – the last chapter and I am so nervous about it. This might be controversial but let's face it, it's how we secretly all want it to end. I know I do! Thank you for all the reviews you've all left and all the people that have added it to their favourite story list, it's been amazing and I appreciate it so much.**

**Major thanks to the person who gave me the idea for the ending. YOU ROCK!**

**Chapter 10 - Sara?**

Gil woke to the sound of Catherine's voice. What was she doing here? She hadn't been in the lab when he had come in. None of the team had been.

Sara's necklace wasn't in his hands. He must have dropped it while he dozed. He scrabbled around on his desk to find it, pushing the unfinished report aside. Then he realised that something was wrong. He wasn't wearing a suit, he was just wearing his normal work clothes. When had he got changed?

"Gil?"

"Sara." He said suddenly standing up.

"Not quite." The voice said.

He looked up. Catherine was stood in the doorway. She wasn't wearing black either.

"Where's Sara?"

"Gone home. Are you ok?"

"When did she go?"

"What?" Catherine looked confused.

"When did she go? How long ago?"

"About five minutes ago. What's wrong Gil? You look terrible."

Grissom didn't answer. Instead he grabbed his keys and ran out of the lab and to his car. He had to check. He had to know she was ok.

He looked at the clock on his dash board. 10:05. She wouldn't be home until half past ten. He had time, if he was quick. He tried her cell phone but there was no answer.

He pulled into her parking lot at twenty five to eleven. Her car was parked in its normal spot. He jumped out of the car without locking it, barely stopping to slam the door shut. He ran up the steps to her apartment. Her front door was within sight. He had to get there, he had to check.

He hammered on her door, praying that she would answer. He heard a bang and a shout from inside and fumbled with his keys, trying to find the spare. "Sara?" He shouted as he got the key into the lock. He pushed the door open with such force that it hit the wall behind it and bounced back.

He ran towards the man he had seen in his dream and pulled him off his beloved Sara. With strength he didn't know he had, he punched the man on the jaw knocking him out.

Sara fell into his arms. "My uncle," she said staring at him, "he said he was my uncle. Said it was my fault. My dad's death. He said it was my fault."

"You're safe sweetheart. I couldn't live without you. It was killing me. I don't care who knows. I want you to move in with me, I don't ever want you to be in danger again. I don't want to go home without you. Not know that you're ok." He rambled, not realising that Sara was barely following is confused speech. "Move in with me, properly." He repeated.

"Ok." Sara replied without needing to think about it. She never wanted to come back here again.

Grissom took out his phone and rang Brass just telling him to come to Sara's apartment quickly. Grissom held Sara tightly while they waited for Brass to arrive. His stomach was still churning with the fear and horror from the last few days, at least what he thought had been the last few days. He sighed with relief even though he was still confused over what was reality. His brain was moving a mile a minute, he couldn't take it in, it simply wasn't possible.

Although he'd been raised a Catholic, Gil had never believed in miracles. But this, there was surely no other answer. How could he possibly have dreamt what was to happen.

As a scientist he had accepted a long time ago that he did not know everything. That there were things he could not understand. Just because something wasn't proven didn't mean that he disregarded it. He kept an open mind allowing theories to change to follow the evidence. Never in his life had he considered that someone could dream the future.

He didn't know how else to explain it. Part of him expected to wake up any minute and realise that this was still a dream.

But even if it was all a dream, he was content to have Sara in his arms. His angel wasn't dead.

"How did you know?" She whispered.

He hesitated for a while. How could he tell her that to him she had been dead for a week? That he had watched their friends catch her killer? That he had seen her body buried? How could he ever tell her that had he not come by her own uncle would have raped and killed her? How could he ever tell her that? "I just knew." He answered eventually. Some things shouldn't be shared and this was one of them. Sara didn't need to know that.

Grissom stood back. "Did he hurt you?" He asked looking at her.

"I'm ok."

He pulled her back towards her and hugged her tightly again.

Brass stood in the door way. Gil's call had both confused and scared him and he was glad to see the two of them safe. Then he noticed the body of a man lying on the floor. "What the Hell?" He said as he knelt down next to him and found a pulse.

"What on Earth has gone on here?" He asked after calling for an ambulance and back up.

"He attacked Sara." Gil replied simply.

"Are you ok?" Brass asked Sara coming closer to her to take a better look at her.

Sara nodded, words not coming easily.

"How did he get unconscious on the floor?"

"I punched him."

"You were defending Sara?" Brass asked, he knew he was technically coaching Gil to make the right answer but he had to protect his friend and he knew Gil would never hurt anyone unless it was to protect someone he loved.

Gil nodded. "He was hurting her. I had to stop him." He couldn't bring himself to ask if he was ok. If he was honest with himself he didn't care, he wanted to strangle the man.

Catherine appeared in the doorway. After Grissom's abrupt departure and then hearing Brass's call for back up and an ambulance to Sara's apartment over the radio she had been concerned, fearing the worst.

"Gil? Sara? What's going on?" She asked thinking that Sara might have come home and interrupted a burglar.

Sara didn't answer but looked fearfully at her uncle who was regaining consciousness.

"Gil, let's get Sara out of here." Catherine said wanting to get her away from the man who was obviously causing her so much distress before he completely regained consciousness.

Two more police officers arrived, escorting a team of paramedics. Calls to the homes of law enforcement officials were top priority.

Catherine took one look at the pair of them when they got down into the parking lot, both of them were shaking. "You're in no state to drive, Gil. Come on, I'll take the two of you to the lab."

Catherine watched as Gil helped Sara into the back seat. There was something 'intimate' about the way he held her hand. He then slid in next to her. She watched the two of them closely in the rear view mirror as she drove. She had no idea what had happened in Sara's apartment, or why she was so scared of the man unconscious there.

They sat Sara down in Grissom's office.

"What happened? Who is that man?" Catherine asked kneeling down in front of her.

Gil stepped back and stood staring through the window in his office door. He was trying to gather his thoughts. He knew that Sara needed him to be strong for her, she was scared and she needed him to pull himself together and be there for her. But part of him was still stuck in his dream. Was it a dream? Or was this the dream now? Was he dreaming that Sara was alive because he couldn't cope with her death?

He turned back to Sara. He had to believe what was happening now. He wanted to believe that Sara was alive.

"My uncle, he said, Jason Reeves, my mother's brother. I didn't recognise him, haven't seen him in years, since I was a child. He hated my father, so he'd never come round to our house. But my mom used to take me to see him when I was very little. He was always trying to get my mom to leave my dad, but my mom wouldn't."

"Why did he come to see you?" Catherine asked gently.

"He wanted me to go to see my mom. I didn't want to go and see her. I haven't seen her since the trial." Sara said taking hold of Grissom's hand.

"He started shouting that it was my fault, that I killed him. I didn't Gil. I didn't kill him." She looked up to him for reassurance.

"I know you didn't, sweetheart. He was lying."

"He was so angry." Sara said turning back to Catherine. "I thought he was going to... but then Gil came and pulled him off me."

Catherine noticed the use of Gil's first name, she never heard Sara use it before. Sara always called him Grissom.

Brass appeared in the door of Grissom's office. "He's got concussion but he'll be ok." He said shutting the front door behind him. "He won't tell us who he is or what he was doing there. I don't want him to cause any trouble for either of you so I need to take your statements separately."

Grissom stood up to leave Sara and Brass there but Sara held tightly onto his hand.

"I'll just be outside." He replied squeezing her hand and leaving followed by Catherine.

"How did you know?" Catherine asked as soon as the office door was shut behind them, leaving Sara and Brass alone.

"Know what?"

"That she needed you. When I woke you, you knew that something was wrong. How did you know?"

"You're going to think I'm crazy. I dreamt it all. Exactly. Sara has never told me about him but I recognised him, I knew his name. I dreamt that she hadn't turned up for work so I went to check on her, and she was dead. I think, I think if I hadn't gone by, he'd have killed her. How could I have known Catherine?"

Catherine opened her mouth but didn't know what to say.

"I don't know what to believe. I don't know what's real. Do you think I'm crazy?"

"No, but thank God you did." Sara said as Brass came out of the room after getting the necessary details from Sara.

"Will you stay with Sara?" Gil asked Catherine.

"Sure." Catherine replied and slipped through the door shutting it quietly behind her.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, thanks to Gil I am."

"How long have you and Gil been together?" Catherine asked. She wasn't sure that Sara would answer honestly but she was sure about her suspicions.

"What?" Sara asked looking up suddenly.

"Come on, I'm right, aren't I?"

"Nearly two years." She replied knowing that Catherine until she told the truth.

"Wow, how did you keep that one quiet?" There were so many questions Catherine wanted to ask about Sara's family but she thought it was safer sticking to questions about Sara and Gil's relationship.

Sara smiled. "It was difficult at times. Coming into the lab and having to pretend nothing was going on, we were nearly caught in, er, slightly compromising positions a few times."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, once or twice the moment over took us a bit."

"Why did you keep it a secret?"

"It's against lab rules. If it had got back to Ecklie one of us would have had to change shifts. We didn't want to break up the team. And we didn't want anyone to get in trouble for keeping our secret if Ecklie did find out. Is this going to get back to him?"

"I'm not going to tell him. We'll make sure nothing goes into either of your statements that could give it away."

"Thanks Catherine." Sara said smiling at her.

"So, is he good?" Catherine asked.

"I'm not telling you that!" She replied blushing.

"I didn't mean like that! I meant is he romantic with you?"

"Yeah." Sara said blushing more. "He gave me this for our first anniversary." She held out the necklace out for Catherine to see. Catherine read the inscription on the back – _Who ever loved that loved not at first sight? _"It's from 'As You Like It'."

"Shakespeare?"

"Yeah."

"It's really serious between you two?"

Sara nodded. "He's asked me to move in with him. I stay at his normally but he wants me to move in properly."

"You love him?"

"I've loved him since the first time I met him, nine years ago."

"I'm really glad you two are together. You've both seemed much happier recently."

"We are."

The door opened. Sara stood and ran to Grissom. He hugged her tightly and kissed her tenderly on the lips. "Oh, er, Catherine, er..." Grissom said awkwardly, remembering that she was there.

"It's ok, she knows about us." Sara said stroking his cheek.

"Brass is going to arrest Reeves for assault. Let's go home, sweetheart."

"Both of your cars are at Sara's apartment. I'll give you a lift home and get someone to pick them up for you."

"Thanks Catherine but I want Sara to see a doctor first. Will you take us to the hospital?"

"No, Gil. I'm not going to the hospital."

"Please Sara. It won't take long. I just want you checked over. Just in case."

"No." Sara said firmly. "I'm not going to the hospital. Not after everything that's happened today."

"Will you let Al take a look at you? I think he's still here."

"Ok." Sara said knowing that Gil would just worry otherwise.

---

"Hi Sara, come and take a seat. It'll only take a minute." Doctor Robbins said waving her towards him.

Sara sat down nervously. She hated seeing doctors and, even though she knew Al, she couldn't get rid of the feeling of anxiety.

"Did you hit your head?" He asked looking at her.

"Yeah."

"Lose consciousness?"

"No."

"Head ache?"

"A bit."

"Dizziness? Blurry vision?"

"No and no."

"I don't think your concussed but you could do with staying with someone today just in case."

"It's ok, she's going to stay with me." Gil said from the corner.

"Well, keep an eye on her, you know what to look out for. Phone me if you've got any concerns, any time." He looked back at Sara. "Any pain anywhere else?"

Sara touched her jaw lightly.

"Yeah, it does look a bit bruised." He ran his hand carefully down her jaw bone. "I don't think there's any breaks, it'll just be a bit sore for a few days."

"Thanks." Sara said standing up, eager to go home with Grissom.

Al watched her put her jacket on, noticing how little she had said throughout his examination. "My door's always open Sara, if you've got any concerns."

"Thanks, doc. I'm fine."

---

Grissom led Sara through the door and sat her down on the sofa. "I'll make you a cup of tea, my dear." He said kissing her on the forehead before going to the sink. He filled the kettle with water and put it on, then he rinsed out her favourite mug as he watched her lean back and get comfortable.

He watched her close her eyes. It was all too real, he thought as she stretched her arms and rubbed the sore spot on her jaw subconsciously, she was too real. The last 'week' was already fading in his memory. At least, the details were. The horrifying, sickening fear however was still there. He'd never forget that.

"Gil, are you ok?" Sara said raising him from his thoughts.

"Yeah, why?"

"The kettle boiled a couple of minutes ago. What's on your mind?"

"Just thinking about how much I love you." He said smiling at her and finishing making the tea.

He sat down beside her and handed her a mug. She rested her head on his shoulder.

"Sara?"

"Mmm." She murmured taking a sip of her tea.

Gil twisted around so he could look Sara in the eyes.

"Marry me?"

"What? Are you being serious?"

"I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. And I don't want to waste another second. So, will you marry me Sara?"

Sara smiled. "Yes. Yes. I love you."

"Really?" Gil said with a hopeful smile on his face.

Sara didn't answer, instead she leant forward and kissed him. Grissom took her by the hand and led her to the bedroom. The tea went cold.

**The End**

**If you don't like the whole "it was all a dream" idea then disregard this last chapter but I just couldn't bring myself to end it with her dead. I would have had to kill Gil off as well because they should be together and I really didn't want to kill anyone else!**


End file.
